A lack of mayonnaise is honestly a personal nightmare, but beauty is pain and all that jazz.

Let’s get straight into my reason for this post. I’m a food addict. I say this because it’s something that I’ve struggled with since fourth grade. Food is happiness, peace, love, hate, self loathing, and could very well be my early death. I love to eat. Food is my best friend and my worst enemy. Nothing fills the void in my shriveled little Grinch heart like binge-eating.

Oh, you didn’t want something dark from a woman who calls herself a wine drunk home cook? Well, we don’t always get what we want. Like, all of those other hip blog mommies out there, I’m now on a journey to lose weight. I will be the first hip blog mommy to inform you that it is possible to work a glass of red wine into 1200 calories a day, just in case y’all were wondering.

Truly though, I absolutely can’t be assed to eat things that taste awful, so we still have that my dears. My first patched up dish last week was to redo my mom’s seafood salad. Hers really can’t be beat, and the Rouxster and I ate a whole tub of it on vacation at the lake. Life lesson: Dominoes and gin will do that to a person.

Seafood salad is a family classic and it’s never better than when served up with Chicken in a Biscuit crackers. On the other side of the happy rainbow, we’ll be eating our light seafood salad with a fork and no carbs, so buckle up bitches.


  • 1 lb imitation crab
  • 2 tbsp minced red onion
  • 1/4 cup plain Greek yogurt
  • 1/4 cup light sour cream or low-fat cottage cheese
  • 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp fresh chopped dill
  • 1/2 fresh lemon, squeezed
  • 1 tsp swerve sweetener
  • 2 shakes of salt and 2 shakes of McCormick garlic pepper

Cottage cheese is honestly amazing, so of course I blended that into the Greek yogurt and lemon juice. It gave it some extra oomph, and gave me the will to live.

Mix everything together and enjoy. I like to chop the imitation crab up so it all gets coated with the mix.

More healthy, light, and hacked recipes coming your way friends. Im about to embrace that saying about “variety is the spice of life” and if I’m on a journey to be better and healthier, then y’all are too. Now, somebody fix me a drink and hand me a Nembutal.



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